SZEMINGG

Recently I have been nothing short of an emotional wreck. I'd be happy, and the next moment, a small tiny thing pops up and my mood takes a nosedive into some abyss of sadness.
I'd love to blame it on periods and crazy hormones, but that's not fair now is it?

I honestly don't know what got into me.
Did the poles shift again? Did some alien planet decide that our species is too butt-ugly and placed some force field around our poor planet that sends everyone into some deep state of sadness so that we're so sad we just die drowned in our own sadness so the aliens won't have to get their hands or paws or tentacles dirty to rid the planet of us, so now they get to be rid of butt-ugly creatures and also get our water supply which isn't all that clean anymore cause we're polluting it at such mindblowing rate and I just can't see why the aliens want to go to such lengths to get dirty water.

I will however, guarantee that I'll try my darnest to be more positive.
Hey just because someone is hyper and/or silly doesn't mean that they are necessarily the most optimistic person in the world.
I'm just saying.

I'm pretty positive... when things are certain. (That's pretty easily accomplished right?)
But when uncertainty hits and I don't have a grasp or any control over what's going to happen, that's where my vivid imagination betrays me and places me in all kinds of situations I pray/wish/hope wouldn't happen. Which usually leads to me breaking down into tears and going all haywired.
Need I remind you of the time when I waited for A level results? Or... when I wanted for University posting results?

I'd love to be more faithful in the Lord and completely trust in Him. And be one of those who say "Lord, I trust that You've got a good plan for me, so I'll not dwell on it too much."
I'm one of those who adds in at the back "But I can't stop worrying. I know You've got a plan, but I just can't stop thinking about it."

Yeah...

I try my best to change that bit of myself. Because life is full of uncertainty and I don't want to be pulling out my hair in panic everytime something pops up and ninjas itself into my life.
And I also don't want to place any stress on the people around me who have to put up with my nonsense. There's only so much everyone can take.

*Fingers crossed

I have no clue if anyone reads this blog much anymore. Since I totally cut down on blogging due to A levels, I haven't been able to get back the urge to blog much anymore. Maybe because Twitter allows me to micro-blog. So.... *inquisitive look*

I'm still very nervous about starting school.
Shuang and I crashed Yan Ngee's SIM lecture today. 3 hours. SIM students, are your butts made of steel or something? How could you sit still for so long!
In any case, it gave me a little taste of how lectures would be like in University, I suppose? Lecturers going at top speed, while your hands never seem to get a moment's rest because you're frantically copying down notes and practically ever word the lecturer utters. Halfway through you'll realise your written notes seems more like a 2 year old's scribbles than anything else.
Of course, since I'm not in SIM, it's perhaps not the best gauge.. but I'd think that it's close enough. Except that NUS conducts 2 hour long lectures instead of SIM's 3 hours.

I have come to realise that it's really important, if not absolutely essential to your Uni life, that you attend....
Your own course's camp. Or your faculty's camp.

All the cross faculty camps are fun and all, and you get to meet all sorts of people. But they won't be able to attend lectures and tutorials together with you, now would they?

Honestly, I was going to back out of the Communications and New Media camp, simply because it was the cheapest camp I had signed up for and if I didn't get a refund, so be it. And also because the camp size seemed so small.
Keep in mind that my impression of NUS camps weren't the best at that moment.

But thank God, I chose to stay.
I was convinced by my dad that, hey, you need to find out about your course, what better way then to go to your course camp, meet some seniors and ask?
John, convinced me that I needed this camp so I'll have friends to go to class with. Don't want to be a loner, y'all.
Marvin had been trying his best to convince me to only attend Sports camp and CNM camp, instead of both of these plus Union camp. (Should have listened! By the end of Sports camp I was just so tuckered out, and the bump on my foot was begging for relief - which I answered. I'm going to NSC for treatment soon.)

Why. Am I. Sharing. This.

Okay.

Anyway, back to us crashing the SIM lecture.

I realised that University is not going to be "easier than JC", as I was so often told. In fact, I think it's going to be so much harder.
In JC, you're spoon-fed (mostly). You didn't need to plan what topics to take, you have a syllabus to follow... but in Uni, it's all different. You plan what modules to take, some modules require you to have taken a certain other module beforehand and if you didn't and that later module is essential, then it may just cause you to graduate later.
Okay, so maybe it's not as scary (Is it scary to you? It is to me!) as I make it out to be. But, say, you're handling this alone. With no friends to discuss with.

Man oh man...

So I'm real thankful for the friends I've made in CNM camp, they are ultra helpful and very active on WhatsApp and Facebook. Always answering questions, the seniors don't hold back their knowledge. Always updating each other, my peers help each other like we've known each other for decades.

Love you guys, you silly bunch!

I'm very thankful for this. Me being able to make it into a local Uni, and being able to afford any materials and tools I'd need, or that'll make life easier when assignments come along. I'm extremely grateful for the support I've been getting.
Before this, I was going crazy, crying myself to sleep just about every night, worrying that I'd end up without a place in a local Uni. It's been drilled into our heads so much that a local Uni is THE place to go. So much so that I think part of my sanity got drilled away while I was waiting for the letters of offer (and in my mind, rejection). My self-confidence isn't all that high. My parents, were beyond supportive. Listening to my sobs and comforting whenever I had a random breakdown. And then when I got offers, sitting down with me to discuss it. Now, nearing the start of school, during the camps, dropping me text messages here and there, checking up on me. *Heart melts*

And of course my friends who've been handling my random "OMG HOW" messages here and there. Hah! Sorry for the randomness, fellas!

Not to mention, my dear Marvin. I think he has put up with so many breakdowns, tantrums and moodswings to last him a lifetime. Sorry dear, but there's more to come.. Probably by the end of his life, he'd put up with enough to last him 10 lifetimes.

University is still a very daunting thing to me right now.
*crosses fingers* I pray and hope for the very best.

The first of the year is over and we welcome... not really... the second half of the year. "Time flies" doesn't seem to cut it anymore, I think time is probably high on something and on rollerskates with soda pop jetpacks on its back.
It's all getting away from me. BAM, it's July now.

I haven't been updating my blog a lot, mainly because, well, there's really nothing much to blog about. Besides, most of the things I would probably blog about ends up on Twitter. So....

I've been very frantic recently, and quite emotional. This whole "University" idea is really overwhelming for me. Mainly because both my secondary school and junior college spoonfed us most of the time and now I'm left on my own to figure out just about everything. And it's all so new to me. All the new systems, new portals, campus... everything.

If you haven't already figured by now, I'm a pretty sheltered and pampered girl.
I broke down during NUS Sports Camp because I missed the comfort of my family so much.

See, when I graduated from JC, I had pretty much every night with my family. Watching TV, munching on snacks, sharing jokes. Then to have to go off to camp and not be able to return home to the comfort of my mum's silly jokes and dad's questions of concern, it wasn't easy. At least not for me.

But I'm pretty sure I'll be able to take on the Communications and New Media camp pretty decently. Since it's not as phsyically draining, my brain would have the energy to hold my emotions at bay.
Hah! Keeping my fingers crossed on this!
Praying hard!

That's probably another reason I didn't want to stay in hall. I won't be able to stand being away from my family for so long.
Ah dang, how am I to go on an overseas exchange programme like this! Let's hope it gets a little better. Hahah. I'm such a kid.

Another thing I realised about myself, thanks to Sports Camp (reflections aye!), is that even though I keep saying that I would like to pursue a sports CCA, after being in Choir for 12 years.. Deep down inside, I love the stage. I love to perform and sing beautiful songs. As much as the sports appeal to me, on a recreational basis, I'd still like to have Choir has my main CCA. Just can't bear to leave it behind, really.
When the bus drove by the University Cultural Centre, I felt relief wash over me.
Why?
Because this is a place I'm familiar with, a place I've been to numerous times, a place that holds memories more precious then all the gold in the world. (Cliche, forgive me!)

Here's to the second half of the year, filled with changes and challenges I've yet to face. Perhaps more of Marvin and my mummy's calm when facing problems would rub off on me.
And... I need to save more. Or earn more. Fine.. fine...

Lastly, to all my lovely juniors and friends taking the A levels, just slog it out now so you'll have no regrets.
Prioritise well!

Let's take on the rest of 2011,